全书读完，在最后一章有一种豁然开朗，天空放晴的感觉，一扫前面章节的紧张不安、冲突伤害、纠结唯诺。纵览全书，情节在跌宕起伏中推进，镜头在回忆和现实中交替。

故事围绕Lydia is dead展开。How had it begun? Like everything: with mothers and fathers…. Because long ago, her mother had gone missing, and her father had brought her home. Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father had wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible. 追踪溯源，母亲总是要“与众不同”争强好胜的个性，父亲小心翼翼要与周边环境“融入”的敏感和脆弱，已经为故事埋下伏笔。

母亲离家出走后的回归，成为Lydia 和母亲Marilyn 的某种契合—五岁的Lydia突然失去母亲的恐惧到翻到母亲烹饪书时暗下决心“she would do everything her mother told her, Everything her mother wanted ”，只希望不要让母亲失望伤心，只希望母亲不要再丢下自己；而不得已放弃梦想回家的Marilyn在得知女儿扔掉了烹饪书时，仿佛冥冥之中看到希望“It was a sign , Marilyn decided . for her it was too late .But It wasn’t too late for Lydia …She would help Lydia do everything she was capable of . She would spend rest of her years guiding Lydia , sheltering her …. ”但是这种契合注定是一种痛苦的背负。压力一天天积累发酵，在作者细腻的笔触中，甚至每一个细小的情节，都一点点吞噬着Lydia，挑战她的极限。当生活中唯一可以信赖，吐露心声的哥哥上大学离开后，Lydia仿佛失去了精神支柱。”Ever since that summer, she had been so afraid—of losing her mother, of losing her father. And, after a while, the biggest fear of all: of losing Nath, the only one who understood the strange and brittle balance in their family “

在读到第11章结尾的时候，我内心是充满希望的。“it was not too late , Lydia made a new set of promises ,she will begin again . She will tell her mother: enough. She will…..”经历痛苦压抑之后，Lydia内心重新点燃了新的希望，涅槃重生，她要过自己的生活，再也不要背负别人的梦想痛苦前行。只不过..只不过…生活中遭受了太多的沮丧和失意，她太渴望用一种形式证明自己“可以”，仿佛越过这个“仪式”，就与过去做了一个了断，开启了全新的人生。只不过她以为可以的“仪式”在踏入湖中时成了意外。所以我不认为Lydia的死是自杀，这只是一个意外！如果没有出现溺死的意外，我相信游到岸边的Lydia会宛如重生，重新开始属于自己的生活！ 

最喜欢第12章，感谢这样一个温暖的结局。James和Marilyn经历了怀疑、背叛和伤害，说出“I thought you’d gone ….I thought you had , and for the moment ,this is everything they need to say ”只消这一句—我以为你走了，在这一刻，只需要这一句就够了。忧伤、愤怒、悔恨的浪涛在这一刻像突然遇到彼此心中最柔软的部分，瞬间温柔退去。“They are careful of each other ,as if they know they are fragile ,as f they know they can break ”让我们温柔相待，善待彼此的脆弱和不堪一击。

书中最感动的部分，恕我泪点低，“…..part of her longs to go back for one instant — not to change anything ,not even to speak to Lydia ,no tot tell her anything at all,just to open the door and see her daughter there ,asleep , one more time ,and know all was well….for now she watches the figure in the bed ,and her eyes fill with tears . It’s enough ”只是打开门，再看一眼睡梦中的女儿，知道一切都好, 纵然眼含热泪，这就够了。每次读到这里，仿佛都体会一遍Marilyn痛失挚爱的痛彻心扉，如果时光可以倒流，我不要你什么出人头地，我只要再看一眼睡梦中的你，足矣……

想到一首歌Take A Bow 很契合这本书，沉浸在这歌声中.....

Say Ur lines,but do U feel them ? 

念着你的台词,但你是否感同身受？ 
Do U mean what U say ? 

你说的是真心话吗？ 
When there's no one around.

当四下无人的时候。 
Watching U,watching me,one lonely star.

望着你,望着我,一个孤独的明星。

1、James tries to swallow ,but something hard and sharp lodges in his throat ,like a fishbone如鲠在喉 /  The word rifles from his wife’s mouth and lodges deep in his chest .

2、 How long it will be before he speaks to his son without flint in his voice; how long It will be before Nath no longer flinches when his father speaks. 他不记得从什么时候开始……

3、 He cannot blame her if she has gone away again , this time for good (=forever )

用以上三个词仿写个句子：How long it will be before Marilyn lives vicariously through Lydia. When it ends up with Lydia’ death, she loses Lydia for good and sadness lodges deep in her chest.