​女性遭受家暴：如何识别模式？

昨晚，演员王东妻子在微博上发布视频控诉王东家暴。

随后，王东道歉，称“我终于解脱了，再也不会被折磨和威胁了......这并非是事情的全貌和真相，自己已委托律师处理相关事宜。”

无注释原文：

Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help

From: Mayo Clinic

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

· Calls you names, insults you or puts you down

· Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends

· Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear

· Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful

· Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs

· Threatens you with violence or a weapon

· Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets

· Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

· Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

Break the cycle

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

· Your abuser threatens violence.

· Your abuser strikes.

· Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.

· The cycle repeats itself.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

Don't take the blame

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include:

· Your partner blames you for the violence in your relationship. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions.

· Your partner only exhibits abusive behavior with you. Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances and may appear charming and stable to those outside of your relationship. This may cause you to believe that his or her actions can only be explained by something you've done.

· Therapists and health care providers who see you alone or with your partner haven't detected a problem. If you haven't told your health care provider about the abuse, they may only take note of unhealthy patterns in your thinking or behavior. This can lead to a misdiagnosis. For example, survivors of intimate partner violence may develop symptoms that resemble chronic disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome or fibromyalgia. Exposure to intimate partner violence also increases your risk of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

· You have acted out verbally or physically against your abuser, yelling, pushing or hitting your partner during conflicts. You may worry that you are abusive, but it's much more likely that you acted in self-defense or intense emotional distress. Your abuser may use such incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back and look at larger patterns in your relationship. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.

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注：中文文本为妙佑医疗国际官方译文，仅供参考

含注释全文：

Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help

女性遭受家庭暴力：识别模式，寻求帮助

From: Mayo Clinic

妙佑医疗国际

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.

您的伴侣会道歉，并承诺这种伤害性的行为不会再发生了，但您仍担心会再次发生。有时您会怀疑自己是否在幻想虐待行为，但您感受到的情感或身体上的痛苦是真实存在的。如果听起来很熟悉，说明您可能正在承受家庭暴力（domestic violence）。

abuse可以作名词，也可以作动词，表示“虐待”，英文解释为“If someone is abused, they are treated cruelly and violently.”，也可以指“侮辱，辱骂，谩骂”（You can say that someone is abused if extremely rude and insulting things are said to them.）或者是“滥用，妄用”（to deliberately use something for the wrong purpose or for your own advantage），举个🌰：

He showed how the rich and powerful can abuse their position.

他揭露了有钱有势的人会如何滥用他们的地位。

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

家庭暴力也叫亲密伴侣暴力，发生在有亲密关系的人之间。家庭暴力形式多样，包括情感虐待、性虐待和身体虐待以及虐待威胁。异性或同性关系都可能发生家庭暴力。

表示“亲密的；有性关系的；宜于密切关系的”，英文解释为“having, or being likely to cause, a very close friendship or personal or sexual relationship”如：intimate relationships 亲密关系，举个🌰：

The restaurant has a very intimate atmosphere.

这家餐厅的氛围很怡人。

heterosexual /ˌhet.ər.əˈsek.ʃu.əl/ 表示“异性恋者”，英文解释为“a person who is sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex”

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

虐待关系肯定涉及权力和控制力失衡。施虐者用恐吓、伤害性语言和行为控制其伴侣。

1）表示“恶毒残暴的”，英文解释为“Someone who is abusive behaves in a cruel and violent way toward other people.”举个🌰：

He became violent and abusive toward his mother. 

他对待他妈妈变得粗暴而又残酷。

2）表示“侮辱的”，英文解释为“Abusive language is extremely rude and insulting.”举个🌰：

I did not use any foul or abusive language. 我没有使用过任何粗话或侮辱性的语言。

表示“令人紧张不安的；令人胆怯的”，英文解释为“making you feel worried and not confident”举个🌰：

Some people find interview situations very intimidating.

有些人认为面试的情形很吓人。

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

一开始可能不容易鉴别家庭暴力。虽然有些关系从一开始就明显存在虐待行为，但虐待行为往往一开始并不明显，而是随时间加剧。如果您与下述之人有关系，您可能遭遇家庭暴力：

表示“认出，识别”，英文解释为“to recognize someone or something and say or prove who or what that person or thing is”举个🌰：

Even the smallest baby can identify its mother by her voice.

就连年龄最小的婴儿也能根据声音分辨出自己的妈妈。

2）表示“确定；发现”，英文解释为“to recognize a problem, need, fact, etc. and to show that it exists”举个🌰：

The research will be used to identify training needs.

该研究将用来确定培训的需求。

表示“开端，开始”，英文解释为“the beginning”举个🌰：

I told him at/from the outset I wasn't interested.

我从一开始就告诉他我没兴趣。

· Calls you names, insults you or puts you down 辱骂、侮辱或贬低您

表示“谩骂…，辱骂…”，英文解释为“If a person, especially a child, calls someone names, he or she addresses that person with a name that is intended to be offensive.”举个🌰：

Tom's worried that if he wears glasses at school the other children will call him names.

汤姆担心如果他在学校戴眼镜会被其他孩子取笑。

insult作动词，表示“侮辱，辱骂”，英文解释为“to say or do something to someone that is rude or offensive”举个🌰：

First he drank all my wine and then he insulted all my friends.

他先喝光了我的酒，然后又辱骂了我所有的朋友。

📍insulting作形容词，表示“侮辱的，有冒犯性的，无礼的”（rude or offensive）。

表示“贬低（某人），奚落（某人）”，英文解释为“to make someone feel silly or not important by criticizing them”举个🌰：

Why did you have to put me down in front of everybody like that?

你为什么要在大家面前那样数落我？

· Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends 阻止或劝阻您去工作或上学或见家人或朋友

· Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear 试着控制您怎么花钱、去哪里、吃什么药或穿什么衣服

· Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful 嫉妒、占有欲强、或经常指责您不忠

表示“妒忌的；好妒忌的；吃醋的”，英文解释为“upset and angry because someone that you love seems interested in another person”如：a jealous husband/wife 吃醋的丈夫/妻子。

表示“独占欲强的，占有欲强的”，英文解释为“Someone who is possessive in his or her feelings and behaviour towards or about another person wants to have all of that person's love and attention and will not share it with anyone else.”如：a possessive father/mother 独占欲很强的父亲/母亲。

· Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs 饮酒或吸毒时生气

· Threatens you with violence or a weapon 用暴力或武器威胁您

· Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets 打、踢、推、扇、掐或以其他方式伤害您、孩子或宠物

shove /ʃʌv/ 1）表示“推，推挤，推撞”，英文解释为“to push someone or something forcefully”举个🌰：

She was jostled and shoved by an angry crowd as she left the court.

她离开法庭时，被愤怒的人群推来搡去。

2）表示“乱放；随便放；乱丢；乱塞”，英文解释为“to put something somewhere in a hurried or careless way”举个🌰：

We shoved a copy of the newsletter beneath their door.

我们在他们的门下塞了一份时事通讯。

表示“拍，打；掌掴”，英文解释为“to hit someone or something with the flat part of the hand or other flat object”举个🌰：

She slapped his face.

她给了他一记耳光。

表示“（使）窒息；（使）哽噎；（使）呼吸困难”，英文解释为“If you choke, or if something chokes you, you stop breathing because something is blocking your throat. She choked to death on a fish bone. To make someone stop breathing by pressing their throat with the hands”举个🌰：

The men pushed him into the entrance of a nearby building, where they choked him with his tie.

那些男人把他推进了附近一座大楼的入口处，然后在那里用他的领带将他勒死了。

· Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will 强迫您发生性行为或违背自己的意愿进行性行为

· Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it 将暴力行为归咎于您，或说您活该

Break the cycle 打破死循环

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

您可以通过以下模式判断自己是不是受到虐待：

· Your abuser threatens violence. 施虐者威胁要使用暴力。

· Your abuser strikes. 施虐者打您。

· Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts. 施虐者会道歉，承诺做出改变并送您礼物。

· The cycle repeats itself. 循环往复。

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

处于虐待关系中的时间越长，身体和情感的损失就越大。您可能会变得沮丧和焦虑，或者开始怀疑自己照顾自己的能力。您可能会感到无助或麻痹。

表示“麻痹的，瘫痪的”，英文解释为“unable to move or act”举个🌰：

The accident left her paralysed from the waist down.

这起事故导致她腰部以下瘫痪。

Don't take the blame 请勿自责

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include:

您可能还没有准备好寻求帮助，因为您认为自己至少要为这段关系中的虐待承担部分责任。原因可能包括：

· Your partner blames you for the violence in your relationship. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions.

您的伴侣责怪您在关系中施暴。施虐伴侣很少为自己的行为负责。

· Your partner only exhibits abusive behavior with you. Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances and may appear charming and stable to those outside of your relationship. This may cause you to believe that his or her actions can only be explained by something you've done.

您的伴侣只对您施虐。施虐者通常很注意外表，在局外人看来，他们可能看起来有魅力、稳重。这可能让您认为只是您的所作所为才导致施虐行为。

表示“展出，展览；展示；表现”，英文解释为“to show something publicly”举个🌰：

He exhibited great self-control considering her rudeness.

她那么无礼，他表现出如此的克制力已很不错了。

📍表明，表示，展示出，显示，类似的有：show、find、demonstrate、exhibit，suggest。

表示“外表的，外面的”，英文解释为“relating to how people, situations, or things seem to be, rather than how they are inside”举个🌰：

If he is suffering, he certainly shows no outward sign of it.

即便他很痛苦，他也肯定一点儿不会表露出来。

· Therapists and health care providers who see you alone or with your partner haven't detected a problem. If you haven't told your health care provider about the abuse, they may only take note of unhealthy patterns in your thinking or behavior. This can lead to a misdiagnosis. For example, survivors of intimate partner violence may develop symptoms that resemble chronic disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome or fibromyalgia. Exposure to intimate partner violence also increases your risk of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

单独看诊您或看诊您和您伴侣的治疗师和医生没有发现问题。如果您没有告诉医生或其他医务人员虐待情况，他们可能只会注意到您不健康的思维或行为模式，从而导致误诊。例如，亲密伴侣暴力的幸存者可能出现类似人格障碍的症状。承受亲密伴侣暴力还增加心理健康状况风险，如抑郁症、焦虑和创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）。

表示“错误的诊断”，英文解释为“a decision that a person has a particular illness or condition, when in fact they have a different one”举个🌰：

His wife claims the hospital made a misdiagnosis.

他的妻子称医院诊断错误。

表示“看起来像；显得像；像”，英文解释为“to look like or be similar to another person or thing”举个🌰：

So many hotels resemble each other.

许多酒店看上去都差不多。 

chronic /ˈkrɒnɪk/ 1) 表示“（疾病）慢性的，长期的”，英文解释为“a chronic disease or illness is one that continues for a long time and cannot be cured”，如：chronic arthritis表示“慢性关节炎”。

2) 表示“（问题）长期的”，英文解释为“a chronic problem is one that continues for a long time and cannot easily be solved”。举个🌰：

There is a chronic shortage of teachers.

长期存在师资短缺的问题。

3) 还有一种解释是用来形容人“积习难改的”，如“长期酗酒/沉迷赌博等的人”我们就可以用chronic alcoholic/gambler表示。

1）表示“混乱，凌乱，杂乱无章”，英文解释为“a state of untidiness or lack of organization”举个🌰：

he whole office was in a state of disorder.

整个办公室里凌乱不堪。

2）表示“失调，紊乱”，英文解释为“an illness of the mind or body”如：a blood disorder 血液失调。

表示“肠易激综合征（常由焦虑引起，表现为腹痛）”，英文解释为“a condition that affects the bowels and causes stomach pain, and is often caused by worry or anxiety”

fibromyalgia /ˌfaɪ.brəʊ.maɪˈæl.dʒi.ə/ 表示“纤维肌痛”，英文解释为“a medical condition that causes pain in the muscles and surrounding tissue as well as extreme tiredness”

· You have acted out verbally or physically against your abuser, yelling, pushing or hitting your partner during conflicts. You may worry that you are abusive, but it's much more likely that you acted in self-defense or intense emotional distress. Your abuser may use such incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner.

您已经在冲突过程中言语或肢体对抗施虐者、吼叫、推搡或殴打。您可能担心自己施虐，但更可能出于自卫或是强烈的负性情绪。施虐者可能利用这些事情来操控您，把它们描述成您是施虐一方的证据。

表示“口头上（而非书面或行动上）”，英文解释为“in spoken words and not in writing or actions”

表示“操纵，控制”，英文解释为“to control something or someone to your advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly”举个🌰：

Throughout her career she has very successfully manipulated the media.

她在整个职业生涯中非常成功地控制了媒体。

类似的还有一个词rig.

📍rig表示“（采取不正当的手段）操纵；对…做手脚”，英文解释为“to arrange dishonestly for the result of something, for example an election, to be changed”举个🌰：

He said the election had been rigged.

他说选举被人操纵了。

📍此前，在故意改低女生成绩 东京医科大学被曝操控男女录取比例一文中，纽约时报的标题就用了rig这个词：Japanese Medical School Accused of Rigging Admissions to Keep Women Out. 操纵录取结果 rig admissions.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back and look at larger patterns in your relationship. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.

如果您难以确定发生了什么，退一步，看看更大型的人际关系。然后，回顾家庭暴力的迹象。在虐待关系中，经常使用这些行为的人就是施虐者。接受这些行为的人正在被虐待。

- 今日盘点 -

abuse

intimate

heterosexual

abusive

intimidating

identify

the outset

call sb names

insult

put sb down

jealous

possessive

shove

slap

choke

paralyzed

exhibit

outward

misdiagnosis

resemble

chronic

disorder

irritable bowel syndrome

fibromyalgia

verbally

manipulate

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