模板一修改前

Re: New Energy Saving Iron( 或者其他)

Dear Smith,

Leading companies such as XXXX, now use XXX as their reliable supplier for XXＸ products.

For a cost equating to XXX, your customers will be able to save energy cost by %.

The remarkable XXXX Iron uses (工艺) to:

和客户相关的成果1

和客户相关的成果2

和客户相关的成果3

To test XXX’s effectiveness, you can arrange a free no-obligation trial now, by just replying this email. We will reply you immediately to arrange it.

Best regards,

XXX

模板一修改后

一般简短的开发信三段就够了。

第一段：我能带给客户什么好处？(客户为什么要看这封开发信？)

第二段：客户凭什么可以相信我？

第三段：引导客户应该怎么进展？

要让文字背后是思想和灵魂，所以这三个问题，你自己一定得要想清楚，然后用最简洁有力的语言把它说出来，这样你的开发信就有力度了。否则没有内涵，再漂亮的语言都是浮华不实的句子堆砌。

Re: Saving your purchasing cost for quality XXXX

Dear John,

When you next consider your arrangements for XXX products, I would welcome the opportunity to understand your requirements and situation.

Our customer include (XXX,XXX), who have found our XXX is superior in quality while saving them % cost from working with us.

I will send you more detailed information regarding this product in another email. When you receive it, can you please email me your requirement for this product?

Best regards,

XXX

这个标题的切入点很重要，针对不同类型的客户，他们关注点是不同的。

比如小企业主，你可以和他说，帮他赚钱，但对于一个职业采购经理，他对这个兴趣就不大，他的职责是帮公司省钱，省了钱就有功劳有奖金，所以你说可以帮他省钱，他会更关注。

零售商，批发商，网店等各类不同的客户，他们如何运营他们的生意，业务员最好能有所了解。比如，一个大超市，他们的货架对于他们来说是最值钱的东西，他要求货品不仅要价格便宜，而且还要有很大的市场。一个产品上架需要一年甚至更多时间，你如果用一个临时促销活动的低价去吸引他，肯定不灵光的。

所以，是不是想起了我们之前所说过的一句话：“有效的开发信一定是获知客户的痛点并准确传达产品价值，只有被打动的客户才会回复你。”

模板二修改前

Have a good day! 

This is Sam from ABC factory producing Gloves. I am gald to know that you are a leading wholesaler of gloves. Hope to establish a good business relationship with you. 

点评：这个开头谈不上错误，但是过于平淡。不能让客户立即感受到和你做生意会有什么好处，或者说没有建立客户和这封邮件的关联。

Our factory is one of the biggest glove factories in China with already 10 years’ history. We can provide you good quality gloves with good price and service. We have a lot of advantages for all kinds of Glove styles, Ladies, Men’s, Kids. Attached are some pictures of our products and workshops for your reference. Please check and let me know what kind of gloves you are interested, or you can show your styles for our offering. 

点评：这个公司介绍部分是典型的以product feature来介绍的，同样不能让客户产生关联感，也无法让客户感受到能给他带来什么好处。另外空泛缺少支撑，因为你的同行也同样都会对客户说：“我是最好的。”

We would like to take this opportunity to establish business relationship with you.If you want to know more about us, you can add me on your Skype or E-mail or visit our website as below my E-Business card. Maybe it is a start of our business. If you are interested in our goods, pls let me know . If you will attend the coming Canton Fair at April,2018 , pls don't hesitate to contact me at any time . we will waiting for you there and show our more good samples for your reviewing. 

点评：不够简要，同时也没能给出充足的理由和动力引导客户给你回复。

Any questions, Pls let me know at any time. Looking forward to your earlier reply!

Best regards, 

Sam

模板二修改后

Dear John,  

一定要找到合适的联系人，Dear sirs和Dear John的回复率有几倍的差异。就比如你对着一群人说：“请去把门关一下。”和你说：“张三，请去把门关一下。”效果是完全不同的。

Dear sirs,客户无法感受到自己和这封邮件有什么关联，而Dear John,那这封邮件就是写给自己的，关联自然就产生了。

Good morning! 

I just visited your web site, and know that you are the leading wholesaler in Poland for fashionable gloves, with prestigious reputation for the quality. 

一开始就谈客户的情况，让客户与邮件进一步建立起联系。

You may be happy to find a new reilaible source of gloves with superior quality & Reasonable prices. You can select from an abundant variety of premium quality Jeans with stylish originaldesigns updated every 6 monthes. 

点出客户切身的实际利益。

Our factory has a capacity of XXXX gloves monthly, probably the largest in China. Since 2009, we have passed ISO9001, and all our products has CE certificate. I attach the certificate images in the next email,please find them. 

自信的展现出自己的实力。

Our satisfied customers include XXX, XXX & XXX. I am confident that when you work with us, you will have the same satisfaction like them. To enable you to get a good understanding of our quality and service, we would like to extend a very special offer for your first sample order, with 15% (only limited to the first container).In the next email, I will attach you the product catalogs. Please tell me what items are more salable for you. 

给出客户采取行动的理由和动力。

Best regards, 

Sam

PS: We are also very capable to custom make for you. Please just tell me the styles you select. 

进一步敦促客户采取行动。

其实开发信的关键就在于如何从标题就能吸引住客户打开邮件，正文部分要继续能抓住客户的注意力，让客户保持这个兴趣一直读下去，在这个过程中被你的产品或者offer所打动，并最终积极引导客户采取行动回复你的邮件。 

所以，是不是想起了我们之前所说过的一句话：“有效的开发信一定是获知客户的痛点并准确传达产品价值，只有被打动的客户才会回复你。”

模板三修改前

Dear **

Glad to know you from your website,that you are the leading company in Japan for machine vision system. 

点评：后面应该再追一句概述他的业务性质，特色等的话，表示你对他们慎重研究了。比如：I just notice that you pay much attention to lower your cost for quality machine vision system.

This is ***company here.

点评：这句话有些生硬，过渡不自然，缺少人情味。May I introduce myself to you ? I am XXX, from XXXX. 这样会更人情味一些。

I am sure we are the right one for you to seek vision solution, Industry information,customizing products on your request.

点评：这后面一句太突然，没有过渡。

Maybe we can help you to save at least 10% cost saving with more high quality service. 

点评：Maybe这个词没有力度，不自信，犹豫不肯定。

Some of our new models,such as Machine vision Lens/ Bi-Telecentric Lens /HD XGA Industrial Cameras,have a bright market at home and abroad. 

点评：have a bright有点歧义，不如就用good,注意用最简单的英语，很多日本人包括其他母语不是英语的国家客户，他们的英语并不好。

Could you please do me a favor to tell me what items are more salable for you?

点评：这句同样是让客户的感觉很突然，很莫名其妙。

Best regards,

Ling 

模板三修改后

Dear XXX, 

Good morning! 

I am very glad to know you from your professional website, you are the leading company in Japan for machine vision system. I also notice that you pay much attention to lower your cost for quality machine vision system. That is where I can be of help.

May I introduce myself to you? I am XXX, from XXXX. We have been in machine vision system industry for more than XXX years. I am confident that we are capable to meet your quality standard, while cutting your cost by at least 10%. Please be sure, we are also very capable to custom produce with your drawings. 

To enable you to evaluate our quality, may I invite you to visit our factory?(或者：may I send you a sample?)

Best regards, 

XXXX

由于实际情况不一样，不一定就合用，贴这个例子，是希望大家通过对实际案例的运用，来思考和了解开发信应该怎么写，只看理论会让人有点迷糊。 

所以，是不是想起了我们之前所说过的一句话：“有效的开发信一定是获知客户的痛点并准确传达产品价值，只有被打动的客户才会回复你。”

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