我是怎样从批改中学习英文写作的？
高中时背过的《新概念》第二册和第三册中的大部分文章基本都还给亚历山大先生了，但前言中的几句话却成了我学习和教授英语，以及接下来学习德语的箴言:
Efficiency presupposes the adoption of classroom procedures which will yield the best results in the quickest time. The following order of presentation must be taken as axiomatic:
Nothing should be spoken until it has been heard.
Nothing should be read until it has been spoken.
Nothing should be written until it has been read.
在老罗英语培训工作时，关于英语学习方法我们内部老师之间流传着这样的说法：
只听正确的，只说听过的；
只读正确的，只写读过的。
其实就是对《新概念》里面提倡的教学法的另一种表述。
如果说对“如何学习英语”这个问题有一个简短但准确负责的回复，那非这个答案莫属。听起来简单，但实践起来不容易。就写作来说，最常见的问题是：
表达过于随意，过于想当然，不管是不是“读过且正确的”，想到即来。
这样一来，很多人不知道自己的写作中有怎样的问题。更致命的是，往往又缺少反馈和批改的机会和机制。结果是写得越多，越没有长进，无非是重复同样的错误而已。
因此，对“如何提高英文写作”这一问题，简短的回答是：
大剂量阅读，多多体会，一定量的写作练习，带着反馈去改写。
“大剂量阅读”就是输入，是“只读正确的”的第一步；“多多体会”就是确保读的东西不是简单过眼，而是能够感知和内化，是“只读正确的”的第二步，它能够让“只写读过的”成为可能。加上严谨的学习态度，“只写读过的”就可以成为必然。
在我的英语学习过程中，有幸得到了多个母语是英语的朋友和老师的长期反馈。在高中和大学期间澳大利亚英语老师朋友 Lise 在英文书信和email方面给了我很多的帮助；大二准备托福前，美国朋友 David Schier 帮我修改了十多篇托福大作文，让我能够灵活自如地面对托福，作文考了28分；大二我参加了美国老师和朋友 Justine Juarez 的写作课，后来准备 GRE 作文也得到了 Justine 细致的反馈，她前前后后帮我修改了二三十篇作文，让我的英文写作有了质的提升。
总的来说，我从批改中学到了这些东西：
作文在多大程度上做到了扣题？
立场是否清晰、直接，论点是否清晰、展开充分，结构是否最优？
行文连贯性如何，是否存在逻辑和表达跳步？
有哪些错 44 33713 44 14939 0 0 2388 0 0:00:14 0:00:06 0:00:08 2676、累赘、不准确、不优美的表达？
看过“什么是好的英文写作？”一文的朋友可能已经感觉到，这些加起来就是好的英文写作的定义，也是主要出国英语考试英文作文的评分标准。哦，对了，也是高级英文写作工作坊的课程设计原则。
除了上述批改的层面，就从批改中学习的方法来讲，我其实用了最笨的办法：
标记出老师批改的地方，和自己的原文对照，明确自己的语法和用法盲点，以及背后反映出的学习思路、方法和习惯中存在的问题，体会为什么批改过的版本更好，然后多次朗读批改的部分，直至熟练或能够背诵。
也就是说，“只读正确的，只写读过的”是一种理想状态；在实际中，我们很难确保自己输出的都是读过且正确的，如果没有人指出错误，我们往往会以为自己没有错。而一旦得到了可靠的批改，我们就能实现这种理想状态。
下面以2009年 Justine 帮我批改的一篇 GRE Issue 作文为例，分享下我是如何从批改中学习、改进的。
文章段落用数字标注，其中第一段为自己写的，第二段为老师的修改。着色部分为修改部分以及自己的笔记。
题目：
"So much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance living in the present."
习作：
1 Understanding the past, according to the speaker, is of little value to navigate us in modern society（navigate 用法不当）. The argument, however, can not be justified on the grounds that today is different from the past and circumstances vary so that history pales in importance. Human experiences suggest that history counts. A balanced analysis of past and presence do（主谓不一致） us more good than harm.
Understanding the past, according to the speaker, is of little value to us while navigating modern society. The argument, however, cannot be justified on the grounds that today is different from the past and circumstances vary so that history pales in importance. Human experience and common sense（补充建议） suggest that history counts. A balanced analysis of past and presence does us more good than harm.
2 The validity of the speaker's view is the recognition of a changing world, which is a crucial prerequisite for referring to history. Only when the differences of today are carefully observed, can we make better use of history. Society as a whole changes round the clock: social upward mobility, demography, international climate, to name just a few. As society changes, social priorities follow suit. For instance, in some emerging economies, developing economy is no longer the top priority as the countries are developing steadily economically. Countries such as China, India and Brazil are suffering from an emerging problem--social inequality and inequality of distribution. To prioritize the threat, therefore, is the biggest concern today.
The validity of the speaker's view is the recognition of a changing world, which is a crucial prerequisite for referring to history. Only when the differences of today are carefully observed, can we make better use of history. Society as a whole changes round the clock: social upward mobility, demography, international climate, to name just a few. As society changes, social priorities follow suit. For instance, in some emerging economies, a developing economy is no longer the top priority. Countries such as China, India and Brazil are steadily developing economically but are suffering from emerging problems of social inequality and inequality of distribution. Looking back into the history of other more developed countries that have already faced these problems can give insights into which strategies work and which do not. We learn from good models and do not always have to reinvent the wheel, but we also learn, and sometimes learn more, by examining the failures of others and the prices to be paid for unintended consequences. Wisely viewed and analyzed, history can help inform the present.
总结：Justine 将这段后半部分做了改写和扩写。“looking back into the history”这几个字很明显提示读者自己回到段中心了。自己当初也想这么写但最后没写出来，这种严密的逻辑要有意识地去锻炼。绿色高亮的这些单词和短语将观点准确地表达了出来。自己的不足是有观点，但不能有效地表达这些观点。需要用心揣摩。能这么写就能解决这么几个问题：一，文章篇幅不用愁；二，论证与关键字和中心论点相联系，是成功的延伸；三，观点剖析深入，给人深刻印象。
3 "Only if the past is understood can the future be navigated” asserts Iris Chang, author of bestseller The Rape of Nanking. Human beings make silly mistakes repeatedly thanks partially yet mainly to inadequate understanding of history. History is recorded facts and meticulous reflection on the past, accordingly, it is not only fitting, but also essential for us to slow the pace and look back to history. China's open-up and reform is a perfect case in point. Three decades ago, on examining China's collapse in the second half of 1800s, Chinese smashed the doctrines stood in the way to embrace the world. If it had not been for the acute study of China's then circumstances and critical analysis of history, China would not make a great leap.
"Only if the past is understood can the future be navigated,（标点）" asserts Iris Chang, author of the bestseller The Rape of Nanking. Human beings make silly mistakes repeatedly thanks partially yet mainly to an inadequate understanding of history. History is recorded facts and meticulous reflections on the past. Accordingly,（用于句首）it is not only fitting, but also essential for us to slow the pace and look back to history. China's opening-up and reform is a perfect case in point. Three decades ago, by（注意介词的准确使用） examining China's collapse in the second half of the 1800s, China smashed the doctrines that stood in its way and chose to（这可能就是所谓的“跳步”。避免的办法就是慢慢表达，多为读者着想）embrace the world. If it had not been for the acute study of China's then circumstances and a critical analysis of history, China would not have made（虚拟语气使用有误）a great leap forward.
4 Relying solely on history, however, does not suffice. It is sometimes dangerous, as history turns out. To say that negligence of thorough study of current conditions dwarfs history reference is an understatement. Total oblivion of today's changes, which leads to ossification, amounts to driving while reviewing mirror. It is doomed to crash. Doctrines lead people astray, a relevant exemplar being that a majority of state-owned enterprises' went bankrupt during late last century in China. With the advent of marketing economy, planned economy fared ill. Yet, some corporations still clung to patterns of the planned economy which already became out of date. It is failure to keep up with time that results in the tragedy.
Relying solely on history, however, does not suffice and is sometimes dangerous. To say that negligence of thorough study of current conditions dwarfs history reference is an understatement. (Justine: What? I have trouble interpreting your meaning?)（不能做语言的奴隶，自己写的一定要保证自己和别人都能读懂）Total oblivion to today's changes amounts to driving while looking in the rearview mirror. One（原文中 it 指代不清）is doomed to crash. Doctrines lead people astray. A relevant exemplar is the bankruptcy of a majority of state-owned enterprises in the late 20th century in China. With the advent of a market economy, the planned economy fared ill. Yet, some corporations still clung to patterns of the planned economy which already were out of date. Their failure to keep up with the times（类似的固定搭配要准确无误）resulted in their demise.
5 In summary, to make history helpful to present needs, it is advisable to make balanced reference to history and present circumstances. Dismissing the former amounts to missing a precious lesson while missing the later is tantamount to not referring to history at all. If, however, both are taken into serious consideration, history can best serve our present needs.
In summary, to make history helpful to present needs, it is advisable to make balanced reference to past and present circumstances（结构的工整性）. Dismissing the former amounts to missing a precious lesson; ignoring the later is tantamount to being blindly led by the past（表达更精确）. If, however, both are taken into serious consideration, history can serve our present needs.
从上面 Justine 的批改中不难看出，这篇审题、论证和结构问题都不大，主要问题在语言：论证不够充分（第二段），个别地方表意不清，冠词误用，用词不当或不准确，代词指代不清，主谓不一致，单复数问题，介词使用不当，虚拟语气误用，固定搭配有误等。
这样写一篇下来就是一次“打脸”。但“打脸”应该是写作练习的常态，不“打脸”就不可能进步。和练习口语一样，练习写作要能放得下脸。
现在我的写作中上面绝大部分的问题应该都可以避免，但免不了有盲点，比如冠词的使用，这也是为什么我要坚持输出的原因。
上周我和澳洲朋友 David and Lise 发邮件时，他们问到了我的近况。我给他们贴了几篇我近两个月写的英文原创，邮件里写了这么一句：
I am confident in my grammar and usage, but I may have some "blind spots" that I am unaware of. So correction of this sort is particularly welcome.
David 回复了邮件：
As to your essays we both think they are excellent, flow nicely and with just a pinch of humour. There are a few small things we will correct and return notes to you as soon as we can.
等 David 回复我后，我会附上习作链接，如数奉上他们指出的错误，自己“打脸”。
题图：下雨乐队。
推荐阅读：
纪念恩师 Justine A. Fitzgerald Juarez
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